Hey, Dan: I'm a young gay man who likes to be spanked hard. I tried dating nice guys, but they didn't want to hurt me. Now I want to give kinky hookup apps a try, but I worry sadistic guys who do want to hurt me won't be nice. I want to be hurt but I'm worried about being with someone who enjoys it too much. Does that make sense? I'm kind of stuck and could use a little push.
— Hate Extremely Limp Paddling
You tried imploring vanilla nice guys to hurt you and that didn't work, HELP, so it's time to take a chance on kinky guys who do wanna hurt you. (That's the push you wanted, right?) Some kinky people are assholes, of course, so use your best judgment and trust your gut. But I gotta say... some of the nicest guys I've ever met were sadists. It wasn't just that these guys wanted to hurt me in safe, sane, and mutually pleasurable ways and that was nice of them. They were genuinely sweet. At first, I thought they might be overcompensating out of guilt, HELP, or, even worse, that their kindness was an act. But eventually I had to conclude that some sort of inverse relationship exists between being the kind of self-aware, self-actualized sadist who wants to do terrible things to someone who wants terrible things done to them, and just generally being a decent and thoughtful person. Now go get spanked by a guy who likes spanking you as much as you like getting spanked.
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