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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Fanny Paddle



FANNY PADDLE


A Spanking-Stick for ALL Family Occasions


Especially made:


For noisy GUESTS


And folks that CUSS


For swatting PESTS


And banned word that FUSS


For taming BRIDES


And winning WAGERS


For tanning HIDES


Of "smart" TEEN-AGERS


For stopping HIC-CUPS


Fights - and SPATS


For puddling PUPS


And careless CATS


For mice and ANTS


On picnic TRIPS


For paddling PANTS


When baby DRIPS


For wives at NIGHT


When hubby's LATE


For counting RIGHT


On a birthday DATE!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


USE at Your Own Risk!

Hair brush Poem

THE POEM

The hair brush, bare skin, doth impart
The most atrocious sort of smart
You grovel full of dread suspense
Waiting for it to commence

And suddenly a loud report
Of a sharp and wicked sort
Sets twenty thousand nerve ends blazing
In a matter most amazing

While full of horrified surprise
The second Red Hot Spank arrives
And one more awful tender spot
Is indescribably Hot

Your mind in panic and despair
Is sure it's more than you can bear
But you can very safely bet
You simply ain't felt nothing yet

Oodles more will be applied
Before Justice is satisfied
Smack, smack, smack and each well freighted
With punish unmitigated

The first cruel smart will not subside
Until about eight are applied
And then an awful, awful lot
Of naughty skin is awful Hot

And you can howl, yell and entreat
But it is kept at frenzied heat
That busy paddle seems to know
If any spot has ceased to glow

And back there, you've just lots and lots
Of awful tender, wincing spots
And the brush will smack every one
Many times before its done

It's awful to get two or three
In very close proximity
It's awful to fell fresh ones smart
On places rather far apart

And stray on firmly muscled thighs
Provoke most horrible surprise
High up where not padded so well
They are maddening as hell

But this sad fact is very true
On thicker padded portions too
The meanest kind, of all the lot
Seems always the kind you just got

Oh smack, smack, smack, so very heated
Stinging, smarting and repeated

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

From Mr. Magazine (April 1972)
Letters to the Editor

Dear Sir: I'm sending you a spanking
poem that I thought you might like to
print in the Dear MR. Column.
M.R.F., Missouri